Avian Gamers Network :: View topic - Need a woman's advice especially from a wife or a female...

Hey,
I've decided it's best if we didn't meet after all.
It's pretty clear there isn't much chemistry between
us, and quite honestly I think it was very rude that
you asked to change plans. That's not the first time
in the DC area that's happened to me with a guy
through match.com, but I've decided I don't need to
put up with it anymore. Once I make plans with
someone, I keep them, I don't ask to change them
simply because something else has come along that I'd
rather be doing.
Good luck to you,
Cindi

Cindi,

This came as quite a shock to me that you were hurt by my change of plans. The dinner on Monday with the people from work wasn't as important to me as meeting you but it was a birthday party for a coworker and and couldn't be changed by me where our date only needed to be moved a day. Relations with coworkers and how they view you is vital in my work but I certainly tried to ascertain whether you minded changing the plans or not. This is why I tried to make it very clear I would only change plans if wasn't going to be a problem for you. I wish you had just said that you really wanted to do it on Monday. I am not a rude person and I have never treated anyone badly from a matching service. I also don't judge individuals on past experiences with other individuals. I very much enjoyed your emails and our conversations but I can't judge chemistry until I meet someone face to face. Please don't get discouraged because of me and also don't sell yourself short. One change of plans with two days advance notice doesn't mean that you are being viewed as a second option. You are very desirable and I just thought you were being kind to allow me to reschedule. Good luck to you as well.

Sincerely,

Tobias

There's so many mixed signals in that email. I mean, on one hand she could have just been doing as you said which was "I am also now wondering if this is just the female version of "he's just not that into you" with the twist of her finding an excuse to break things off."...but that was an awful way to do it by making you feel like it was your fault for the way things went down. i mean, you said that you asked for her input, so she clearly had a chance to express her concern. she seems to be a bit unstable to me.

I mean, on one hand, i could see how she would possibly think that you were trying to blow her off, that may be the first thought that went through my head. You know, he's giving a "work funcion" excuse. BUT, after you explained it to her she should have accepted it. The thing is, you just asked to move it back one day. That's not too big of a deal.
The only other thing i can think of is that she has met someone else, and is trying to weasel her way out of the date and trying to make herself feel better about it by making it look like your fault.

Yeah, forget about her.

Girls are dumbs :wink:

Romsuiag wrote:

Yeah, forget about her.

Girls are dumbs :wink:

"This throws my entire perception of reality into question!" - Bender Futurama Series 5 Ep 10: The Farnsworth Parabox

Azzameen85 wrote:

Romsuiag wrote:

Yeah, forget about her.

Girls are dumbs :wink:

"This throws my entire perception of reality into question!" - Bender Futurama Series 5 Ep 10: The Farnsworth Parabox

People used to quote Shakespeare, now it's Futurama :shock:

Anyway I'd say move on and find another woman in the D.C. area.
Instead of going through a dating-portal on the net, how about going to a bar and find someone to chat with? -Not a womans advise, but that's the best I got.

Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir?
No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb.

You guys wanted some Shakespeare. Or how about this:

What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet?

X2-PB wrote:

I hope you carry a bat and a can of Mace to keep 'em off ya.

Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir?
No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb.

Author:	tobiasds [ Sat Oct 15, 2005 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Need a woman's advice especially from a wife or a female...
... member from here Did I really screw up or was this lady being over sensitive? Let me set it up. I met a girl on match.com and we emailed back and forth about 7 or 8 times. We then chatted on the phone for the first time on Tuesday and later in the week set up a first date for this Monday. The day after we set up the first date my supervisor asked me to my work's black organizational group who were celebrating a couple of birthdays including a good friend of mine. I consider this a bit of an honor for a silly cracker like myself. I called Cindi today and said something to the effect of I know this is kind of a bad idea but this thing for work popped up at the last minute and I know it is a first date but would you like to go or could we go out on Tuesday? She said she couldn't make from work on time so I should go and we could go out on Tuesday. Then I receive this email... Quote: Hey, I've decided it's best if we didn't meet after all. It's pretty clear there isn't much chemistry between us, and quite honestly I think it was very rude that you asked to change plans. That's not the first time in the DC area that's happened to me with a guy through match.com, but I've decided I don't need to put up with it anymore. Once I make plans with someone, I keep them, I don't ask to change them simply because something else has come along that I'd rather be doing. Good luck to you, Cindi I answered Quote: Cindi, This came as quite a shock to me that you were hurt by my change of plans. The dinner on Monday with the people from work wasn't as important to me as meeting you but it was a birthday party for a coworker and and couldn't be changed by me where our date only needed to be moved a day. Relations with coworkers and how they view you is vital in my work but I certainly tried to ascertain whether you minded changing the plans or not. This is why I tried to make it very clear I would only change plans if wasn't going to be a problem for you. I wish you had just said that you really wanted to do it on Monday. I am not a rude person and I have never treated anyone badly from a matching service. I also don't judge individuals on past experiences with other individuals. I very much enjoyed your emails and our conversations but I can't judge chemistry until I meet someone face to face. Please don't get discouraged because of me and also don't sell yourself short. One change of plans with two days advance notice doesn't mean that you are being viewed as a second option. You are very desirable and I just thought you were being kind to allow me to reschedule. Good luck to you as well. Sincerely, Tobias Many of you have known me on here for quite a while and if you have been around when there are serious disagreements with other people you also know how hard I take being looked poorly on. I am torn between thinking perhaps I just know nothing about women (because I very badly misjudged this one) to thinking this woman is far too sensitive for me and she should have just said what she felt in the first place. When I got off the phone with her today I really thought everything was great between us and I was looking forward to meeting her. I tried very hard in the phone conversation to not put her on the spot and to tell her I didn't mind if we didn't change the plans. I am also now wondering if this is just the female version of "he's just not that into you" with the twist of her finding an excuse to break things off. I am not looking to be made to feel better here... I need an honest opinion, did I really screw up that bad?

Author:	tobiasds [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 11:00 am ]
Post subject:
What? No ladies around? Ok, I open the floor to the gentlemen. (term used only in the loosest sense)

Author:	TheMole [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 11:29 am ]
Post subject:
Man... that sucks. Changing the time of a date is not a big deal at all. If she makes it a big deal, then she has other issues she needs to work out. It sounds to me like match.com has burned her in the past and she's not willing to give anyone a fair chance anymore. But I know you'd rather here it from a woman, so... Here's what my wife had to say about this: Mrs. Mole wrote: There's so many mixed signals in that email. I mean, on one hand she could have just been doing as you said which was "I am also now wondering if this is just the female version of "he's just not that into you" with the twist of her finding an excuse to break things off."...but that was an awful way to do it by making you feel like it was your fault for the way things went down. i mean, you said that you asked for her input, so she clearly had a chance to express her concern. she seems to be a bit unstable to me. I mean, on one hand, i could see how she would possibly think that you were trying to blow her off, that may be the first thought that went through my head. You know, he's giving a "work funcion" excuse. BUT, after you explained it to her she should have accepted it. The thing is, you just asked to move it back one day. That's not too big of a deal. The only other thing i can think of is that she has met someone else, and is trying to weasel her way out of the date and trying to make herself feel better about it by making it look like your fault.

Author:	bigyak [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 11:34 am ]
Post subject:
She sounds high maitenance, and like a typical "daddy's princess" that will get upset at anything not going according to her plan. I don't hink there's anything wrong with changing a plan, as long as it's communicated in advance. She needs to flexible to let a relationship work. Jackie say that I give good advice, and that I should communicate in advance in our relationship, as well. She also says from reading the email that it doesn't seem like your fault at all. You have to realize it's match.com, so many people aren't that serious on it. It's different from meeting someone first. You have to take a lot more time, and not give up just from one or two psycho hose beasts. (I added those last three words).

Author:	tobiasds [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 1:49 pm ]
Post subject:
After things go particularly bad I do give up for a little while but I quickly recover after sitting at home by myself for a few weeks.

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Author:	Golga Bolg [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 2:23 pm ]
Post subject:
Not a woman but, If this was your (long term GF/Wife), would you want this type of reaction every time something came up? It would be hard for me to imagine a woman who I'd want to be with that reacted like that every time something as minor as what you described happened. It seems interesting that she seemed to take a worst case scenario (from her perspective) rather than a best case scenario. She may be high maintenance, lack self-confidence, or just be annoyed at the dating process hassles.

Author:	Cetera [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:
To further add to the excellent comments made by my fellow male guildies, I'd point out that perhaps she was looking for an excuse to cut it short with you. The "obviously there is no chemistry here," bit seems like a dead give-a-way that she maybe wasn't feeling it, but was thinking that maybe you'd turn out OK anyway if she gave you a chance. When you gave her an excuse (lame and stupid though it may be) to allow her to back out, she took it. She does sound high-maintenance, and not at all worth the trouble. Don't worry about it. Don't look back, don't wonder why, and and don't stress about it. It didn't work out, and its always better that this happen sooner rather than later, when you are more invested in something. I'm sure you won't feel that way, and you'll be wondering if it is something about you, but just blow it off. You spent a little bit of time emailing, but nothing really was lost. Keep your head up, your chest out, and your eyes open. But don't regret or fret this one. Also, have you ever tried eHarmony.com?

Author:	CalamityJen [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Well here is one woman's perspective.... This chick is just a bit off if you ask me. I think it's great that you pointed out to her that you "don't judge individuals on past experiences with other individuals." I think carrying around baggage is not a good practice to get into and it seemed to me that she could use the reminder. Not to mention that I find it a little strange that she would be acting this way this early in the “dating” process with you. I would also agree with Cetera that it is to your benefit that this happened before you were emotionally, financially, and physically invested in this relationship. You stood up for yourself sufficiently and that’s always good. I would just chalk it up to “lesson learned” and move on. Not be too cliché but there are other fish in the sea and all that.

Author:	Angelus [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:51 pm ]
Post subject:
All my male advice has been noted above. High maintenance, might just be trying to turn the guilt back to you in using the generic "no chemistry" response right off the get go, princess, etc. etc. Not worht the time to fret and try and decipher these ones. Bumping a first date, that was fairly low key I would assume, by 1 single day is not that big of deal. Overeaction. I have also heard lavalife.com to be pretty good and not too many deadbeats/gmaplayers (note, gameplayers not gamers). A former co-worler actually met her husband thru lavalife.

Author:	tobiasds [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:
I just had to hear some other people say this stuff because while I didn't think I deserved the death penalty I don't have a lot of experience as of late with dating so I wanted some second opinions. I still wish I hadn't changed the plans but I thought it would be alright. I won't remember this hopefully in a few more weeks as I am due a change of luck about now. I broke up with my last girlfriend three weeks ago and this was going to be my first date since. The week that happened I got back from vacation (at least the girlfriend gave me a ride home from the airport) and upon returning to work learned of a coworkers motorcycle accident and the death of her boyfriend. I went to the service and no one was able to stay for the whole thing or the internment so I had to go. I have visited her a few times and she is doing better (compound fracture tib/fib) and I keep a happy face on but when I leave I feel so depressed and sad for her that I feel like smashing my head in the car door. I am also trying now to determine the identity of the stranger who helped her at the accident but I am running into dead end after dead end. So I felt kind of like I needed a win here and soon, but I guess I can wait.

Author:	Angelus [ Sun Oct 16, 2005 9:46 pm ]
Post subject:
You know what you need? Some good ol fashioned Avian high-end instance running!!

Author:	Talon1977 [ Mon Oct 17, 2005 10:31 am ]
Post subject:
Just spotted this thread. Sorry I didn't see it sooner. Man Tobi, why you gotta be an ass like that, and go changing plans all of a sudden?? I mean, the girl was probably already dressed and ready to go, and sittin' by the door. As a married guy, I have 7 years of first hand knowledge of how wacky women can be at times, but this one may take the cake. From her email response, she sounds extremely insecure. Probably best that you DIDN'T get more involved with this one. Sorry about your luck though. Better luck next time. Oh.. and I'm also sorry to hear about your other coworkers. It sounds like you've been put through the wringer lately bud.

Author:	Kharlaq [ Fri Oct 21, 2005 11:15 am ]
Post subject:
Coming from yet another male this may not be what you're looking for, but I say good riddance. If she blows up over being asked to change the date, keyword here is "asked", she can't be someone you'd like to spend too much time with. This wasn't your fault at all, forget about her, continue to be there for your coworker and know that things work out in the end

Author:	Romsuiag [ Sat Oct 22, 2005 4:20 am ]
Post subject:
Yeah, forget about her. Girls are dumbs

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Author:	Dozer [ Sat Oct 22, 2005 1:55 pm ]
Post subject:
Romsuiag wrote: Yeah, forget about her. Girls are dumbs oooops this can turn into a wild fire..... lol

Author:	Azzameen85 [ Sat Oct 22, 2005 2:07 pm ]
Post subject:
Romsuiag wrote: Yeah, forget about her. Girls are dumbs "This throws my entire perception of reality into question!" - Bender Futurama Series 5 Ep 10: The Farnsworth Parabox

Author:	tobiasds [ Sun Oct 23, 2005 7:44 am ]
Post subject:
Azzameen85 wrote: Romsuiag wrote: Yeah, forget about her. Girls are dumbs "This throws my entire perception of reality into question!" - Bender Futurama Series 5 Ep 10: The Farnsworth Parabox People used to quote Shakespeare, now it's Futurama

Author:	Azzameen85 [ Sun Oct 23, 2005 5:20 pm ]
Post subject:
tobiasds wrote: Azzameen85 wrote: Romsuiag wrote: Yeah, forget about her. Girls are dumbs "This throws my entire perception of reality into question!" - Bender Futurama Series 5 Ep 10: The Farnsworth Parabox People used to quote Shakespeare, now it's Futurama Shakespeare??? What's that!? j/k. Anyway I'd say move on and find another woman in the D.C. area. Instead of going through a dating-portal on the net, how about going to a bar and find someone to chat with? -Not a womans advise, but that's the best I got.

Author:	tobiasds [ Mon Oct 24, 2005 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:
Azzameen85 wrote: Anyway I'd say move on and find another woman in the D.C. area. Instead of going through a dating-portal on the net, how about going to a bar and find someone to chat with? -Not a womans advise, but that's the best I got. I would be as bad as the woman I condemn (yes I condemn you to misery Cindi from Bethesda ) if I were to judge dating services just on the experience with one member. I tried bars for years, you have to be luckier to find a great woman who is really what you are looking for in a bar than in a dating service. If you take people at face value, on a dating service you can at least find someone with some shared interests and you tend to make better decisions while not under the influence of alcohol. Really at the moment though I am looking everywhere.

Author:	X2-PB [ Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir? No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb. You guys wanted some Shakespeare. Or how about this: What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet?

Author:	Angelus [ Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:30 pm ]
Post subject:
X2-PB wrote: Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir? No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb. You guys wanted some Shakespeare. Or how about this: What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? That's so romantic. Think I'm gonna cry.

Author:	Rocklar [ Mon Oct 24, 2005 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:
X2-PB wrote: Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir? No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb. You guys wanted some Shakespeare. Or how about this: What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? I hope you carry a bat and a can of Mace to keep 'em off ya.

Author:	Arindel [ Mon Oct 24, 2005 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:
Rocklar wrote: X2-PB wrote: Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir? No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb. You guys wanted some Shakespeare. Or how about this: What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? I hope you carry a bat and a can of Mace to keep 'em off ya. LOL! Anyone else like their X2 well done

Author:	bigyak [ Mon Oct 24, 2005 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:
X2-PB wrote: Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir? No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb. That is a damn good quote, though... I also like some of the ones from Much Ado about Nothing. Or, in Taming of the Shrew when Elizabeth Taylor is getting all nasty and saying it best when she likes tongues in her tail. That Shakespear was one perverted fellow. When are you going to get into the Game Design discussions, X2? Or is studying taking all of your time. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...