Avian Gamers Network

Hey all,
A few weeks ago, X2-PB decided to write a Sci Fi story. I've also been noodling one around in my head. We've been exchanging notes and ideas and critiques for a bit, and it's really been helpful to me.

Both he and I are pretty busy right now in RL, so it's not a daily thing.. just something where we send each other a page or two of ideas every few days.

Is there anyone else that'd be interested in either writing a story, or reading/critiquing through PMs?

_________________
--The Hermit

A long time ago, years before SWG was released, I read a story on the SWG RP forum that was about a mechanic doing his thing in the Star Wars universe. No lightsabers, no princesses, just a guy on a star destroyer, using familiar toys like hydrospamers and droids. That is when I fell head over heals for the average Joe Star Wars concept. Take a normal guy out of his everyday Star Wars life, and set in motion a series of events. Turn him into a hero, or villain, but what ever you do don’t pass the torch to Luke.

In most of the Star Wars books, I get so sick of reading about Luke Leia and Han. I think the reason Zahn’s books were so good is because he added so many new and believable characters. They were more than just the average unpronounceable name; they seemed deep, involved, and almost real.

I love stories about new people, where the movie characters are just a cameo. Most of the Star Wars authors just don’t get it. Being that most Star Wars authors don’t get it, I have longed to write my own story.

I almost took a few writing classes her at LSU, but I never got around to it. I would love to learn more.

Hey Mavis... it's hydrospanners.

If you like those sorts of stories (and I'm 100% with you on that), try Michael Stackpole's Star Wars stuff if you haven't already. The X-Wing series if fantastic.

And here's a shameless plug for the unfinished King's Pawn, which can be found here:
http://avian-gamers.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=7655

_________________
"Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides." - Thomas Paine, Common Sense

I could be interested Yak, when I get a chance it might even get me to get (re)started on my book, been quite awhile since I looked at it (havent started it but several pages of notes). Been having a bit of trouble with mine because it is kind of a fix of Fantasy and SF, and I havent read alot of decent ones that have pulled the mixure off well (If anyone knows of some feel free to PM me with a title). I get all hyped on it for a few days then it goes into the desk for a week or so until I think up something else.

_________________
Section 6

That was a lot of what made SWG fun for me... pretending like i was just your every day guy in the SW universe trying to make a living.

_________________
TheMole
Section 5
Section 5
Section 5
Now Playing: WoW
--------------------

Completely agree. Bought it on my 40 day trip in the US this summer, the complete series. Have had it for a month and have read six books now.
After that I take the I, Jedi and read that.

Bought like 20 books on the trip.

_________________
1st Feb 2008

Yeah, "I, Jedi" is awesome.

_________________
"Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides." - Thomas Paine, Common Sense

HMMMMMMMMMM Threadjacking in progress!

_________________
X2-PB

Pathfinder Kingmaker Campaign:
Gednan Malithanar - Wizard (1)
Dukin Thunderstrike - Ranger (1)

Star Citizen: - https://www.robertsspaceindustries.com/
AntanKarmola on their forums

Star Wars: The Old Republic: - Not really playing
Antare Karmola - Jedi Guardian (32)
Antan Karmola - Jedi Shadow (21)
Arianae Karmola - Gunslinger (20)

er... oh yeah. sorry. Ermmm.. yes, I'd be interested in critiquing and/or editing.

_________________
"Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides." - Thomas Paine, Common Sense

Cool.... I'll send you some text... and some background stuff.

Please, be brutal!! I need to know if the sentence/paragraph structure is too long, if there's too much/little dialogue, ideas seem to obvious, etc.

_________________
--The Hermit

I can take a look at it as well if you want Yak.

_________________
Section 6

Count me in.

I just love to do that stuff.

Besides I could try and see if I could find some of my own stuff and resume the work...

_________________
1st Feb 2008

I'd love to help proofread/edit stories, articles, or what-have-you for Avian members. I can be harsh, too.

_________________
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!

You might want to have a look at this place

http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/

Thanks, Obo. I'll check that out, too.

I've already received some excellent advice (at least, I think it was excellent) from X2-PB, so I'm going to keep trying this method for a while. After I get to something I'm happy with ( a version 0.99b), then I'll try to submit it to that site. It has a $49 annual fee, which is definately worth it... and the first month is free.

_________________
--The Hermit

You'll get my reply tommorow.

I got soccer practice tonight.

_________________
1st Feb 2008

I like it.

A little critique of course....
[NOTE:] Haven't gone through the spelling and grammar since I am the wrong person to do it.

You spend a little too much time on explaining some of the jokes in it with something that is obvious or is related to the story's fashion of time. Like how fashion was and what a certain way of gesture meant.

Your story is a little difficult to grasp since you have no idea where it is untill late in the story. Make up a introduction i.e. the main toon is there at this year and going to do this for so long time ect ect..

All in all it is good and have potential.

_________________
1st Feb 2008

Thanks. I'll do a bit of revision and maybe post it in a forum message.

_________________
--The Hermit

I enjoyed it too Yak, just havent had time to type up a decent PM to you with a few things. I plan to hopefully do that this weekend when I have time to go over it again.

_________________
Section 6

So, I'm at a point where I could use some major criticism. I'll post the story in another thread. I've tried to fix all the reviews that I've gotten so far.

Once I go through y'alls reviews (if any), I'm going to post it on that SF review site that Obo suggested.

_________________
--The Hermit

Hey, that might have been mine. I did something similar. I'll have to see if I can dig it up.

BTW, I do realize I'm replying to a thread over 2 years old.

_________________
Reng Kole
Former Section 8 Director
First President of Avian Technology and Trade

That may not have been my story. Below is the excerpt that I was thinking of:

-------------------------
Rubal quickened his pace and walked toward the mechanic. Without breaking stride Rubal reached down and touched the tool bag as he passed it. As his fingers raked across the bag he called to the mechanic, “Hello there! Need a hand?”

“Sure,” the mechanic huffed, “battery went out on this piece of junk crane. Good for nothing but supporting the weight right now. Charlie is the name.”

“Ted,” Rubal replied.

The hull plate weighed about two hundred and thirty kilograms. The defunct crane supported the weight hanging in a plum line, but Rubal and Charlie had to push and twist the plate into place.

“Ok, hold it there,” Charlie said, “lean your body into it.”

Charlie released the plate and reached for a pneumatic punch. Rubal suddenly realized just how strong the mechanic was. Clenched teeth, closed eyes, and held breath did little to keep the huge plate from slowly working its way back out.

“Woah there cowboy,” Charlie said as he put a hand back up to the plate, “don’t blow a gasket on me.”

The pneumatic punch sounded off with a sharp clap as it drove the locking keys into place. Rubal felt a definite change in the weight after just the first key was engaged. Charlie drove three more keys in and then took a step back.

“You can let go. That should hold it for now.”

“That is a heavy hull plate,” Rubal said with widened eyes, “I didn’t think hull plates were that heavy.”
-----------------------------

_________________
Reng Kole
Former Section 8 Director
First President of Avian Technology and Trade

So, two years since this thread started. Anyone got a novel ready yet?

http://avian-gamers.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=15403
Isn't it that?

Are people interested in a little writing now? I pushed for an RP some time ago to no response. The Star Wars universe seems better for that everyday stuff than World of Warcraft, I'd love to do something about a threat from the past that causes Avians, now scattered across the galaxy, maybe after the Battle of Endor, to reunite for some purpose. Kind of a reminiscing, where are they now story.

_________________
65 min: Fastest Accepted Member in Avian History (as far as I'm aware)
ARCHITECH (Peace to GG)

Hmmm... a threat from the past eh? You mean like the threatened new version of SWG we've heard about? That would fit the bill.

_________________
"Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides." - Thomas Paine, Common Sense

I officially started the first draft of my novel 1st Jan 2007. I'm now about half-way through that first draft with a total, hand-written, page count of about 120 sides of A4 paper. I actually intend to eventually publish it so I'm afraid I won't be posting any of it here. I'll let you all know how it's getting on though, if anyone is interested.

As to the universe it's set in, think a combination of all the various sci-fi stories you know and love, minus any aliens and magic and add in samurai and you might end up with some idea!

_________________
X2-PB

Pathfinder Kingmaker Campaign:
Gednan Malithanar - Wizard (1)
Dukin Thunderstrike - Ranger (1)

Star Citizen: - https://www.robertsspaceindustries.com/
AntanKarmola on their forums

Star Wars: The Old Republic: - Not really playing
Antare Karmola - Jedi Guardian (32)
Antan Karmola - Jedi Shadow (21)
Arianae Karmola - Gunslinger (20)