Just realized I never finished editing or posting this. I'm not going to finish editing it, at least not now, but will finish putting up what I've got.
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One fine spring day in April Sammy catches Josie looking longingly at a dress in the window of tailor’s shop. They have managed to purchase a fatty pork roast and a few shriveled potatoes to cook for dinner, and are on the way back to the Candlestick Inn. For the next several days, Sammy makes it a point to somehow walk by the tailor’s with Josie every day. Every day Josie smiles and gazes at the dress, and then eventually sighs, and continues on her way with Sam.
Sam desperately wants to see his friend wearing that dress, but he doesn’t have enough money to buy the dress, even if he spends every last copper. He takes to sneaking out at nights after everyone else has gone to bed, and continues to scrounge to try and come up with the necessary copper pieces. After nearly a week, and after having traded in his old jacket in payment in addition to spending every coin he possesses, he finally convinces the tailor to let him have the dress. It is a pretty spring dress, rather plain, made of a thin, white material, and embroidered with pink, yellow, and blue flowers.
Sam presents it triumphantly to Josie on a fateful Saturday morning. He has carefully wrapped it himself, with intricate knots that only a halfling’s nimble fingers could ever hope to tie. Josie, of course, loves it.
Sammy got a few kisses in the celebration that followed, and of course ruined the moment by trying to cop a feel. Josie is too grateful to be mad, though, and gives Sammy’s hair a good tousle. At that moment, Sammy starts to realize that his friend will probably never see him as anything more than a friend, and as a child. Sammy has never had romantic interests in Josie (sexual interests are a different matter entirely), but the realization that he is viewed as immature and unsuitable for a relationship based upon his size wounds his ego deeply.
Josie immediately puts on the dress, and the rest of the day is a whirlwind of celebration, laughter, and general merriment of the kind that has not been seen in a long time at the Candlestick Inn. In the afternoon, Josie and Sammy head out to try and scratch out a living as they always do, Josie flashing shapely legs as she skips around town, excited about being seen in this dress this spring.
No doubt the legs are what caught the attention of a would-be ne’er-do-well embodied in the person of a large, ugly, and incredibly smelly half-orc. It may have been the bouncing bosoms, too. Hell, it could have been a half-dozen things. Surely an attractive, unguarded female played a large role in the half-orc’s mental calculus.
As Sammy and Josie were returning to the Inn, the half-orc seized Josie across the chest from behind and clamped a large palm over her mouth. I’m sorry to say that a slip of a 17 year old girl who hasn’t been fed well in six months is no match for a vicious half-orc brute, but she’s not. Sammy immediately jumped on the attacker himself, stabbing the thug in the calf, and promptly had his dagger jerked from his grasp as he was kicked by their attacker.
Chuck and Jenna saw the commotion, and rushed out the assist their semi-employees. They, too, were assaulted, by another half-orc, and a small goblin who appeared to climb out of the sack of one of the other two. The half-orcs quickly knocked everyone unconscious, and drug them all back into the inn. There they tied everyone up and stacked them in a corner of the common room.
Unbeknownst to the half-orcs (but knownst to us, lol) a passerby happened to see the confrontation in the street, and rather than scattering like most other civilians desperate to save their skins and the few material possessions they still possessed, he carefully observed the proceedings and planned for how best he would be able to help the victims. He was a man of average height, light olive-colored skin, a bit of scruff around the jaw and neck, and a head of dark hair cut long, with a single tie in the back, forming a loose tail that hung down past his shoulders. He had on a dark purple shirt and bright green pants that were lightly travel-stained. A bowler’s hat perched jauntily atop his head seemed very out of place. A sack thrown over his shoulder and a large case in his hand contained the traveler’s belongings, and the crow’s feet around his eyes contained wisdom beyond his years.
As the half-orcs drug their newfound prisoners inside, the man carefully creeped right up to a window of the Inn, peered inside, and listened carefully. It seemed the intruders were arguing over where the owners of this establishment kept their gold, and they were arguing about the value of the various belongings in the inn, and which they should take.
The stranger carefully set his packs down in the bushes, and extracted a small harp from the case. Strumming it almost absent-mindedly, he calmly walked into the Candlestick Inn, and into the whirlwind of activity generated by the orcs.
The orcs immediately turned to confront the newcomer, but he almost seemed to pay them no mind. The leader, Gorbag, demanded to know who the hell he was and what he thought he was doing. The gentleman replied he was the owner of this establishment, and he wanted to know, calmly if possible, exactly what the hell they were doing.
“Robbin’ ya!” snorted Gorbag.
“Oh, yes, well, good. You ‘ad better get on wit’ it, then. It’s going to take you all day to find the gold at this rate.”
“Gold, what gold?” shouted Gorbag. “This dump ain’t got nuttin but dirty rabbits an’ bugs, innit.”
“Surely you lads don’t think I’d keep gold just lying about during these tough times,” spoke the stranger. “And I believe you mean, ‘dust bunnies’.”
Chaos seemed to break out at this moment, except for the lazy strumming of the harp by the stranger. The orcs all broke out in bellows and grunts, and the goblin bounced around in joyous abandon.
“Oh, yeah, dust bunnies, hahaha!” squealed the goblin, dancing around and kicking at dirt in a corner of the common room.
“Gold! We’re rich!” hollered the second half-orc.
“Shut yer yap, ya bloomin’ idyet Hurk! There ain’t no gold in this ‘ere buildin’,” and Gorbag cuffed Hurk across the ear and the back of his head. “What we gots here is a fat lot o’ nutten, and a two-bit smaht arse as well.”
The stranger raised his eyebrow at the intruders, and just kept strumming.
“Oh, I assure you there is gold, my loud, smelly, and yet exceptionally intelligent and observant friend. You are also correct that I don’t keep it in the Inn. Its hidden, for safekeeping.”
“Then you’ll show us where it is, or I’ll hung that ‘arp ‘round yer neck!” growled Gorbag threateningly, leering a bit to show that he really was tough and mean. He showed his teeth and tried to make his eyes all squinty to really show he meant business, but he somehow got the feeling that he just wasn’t getting through to this annoying human. The strumming on the streams made his head all swimmy, and it was difficult to focus on the task at hand.
The strumming continued on the harp. “I appreciate your shrewd business sense, Gorbag. Clearly you have a good operation going here, and I don’t want to spoil that. Tell you what,” continued the man. “You can have my gold. But if you expect me to show you where it is, I expect a cut of the profits. We’ll split the loot 50-50.”
Ah, bargaining! This was something that Gorbag excelled at, and indeed it was the reason he was the leader of this little group of thugs. Gorbag found that he could loom and leer a bit, and people were quite amenable to driving a hard bargain. Gorbag wasn’t sure why his head felt funny, or why his insides seemed to be going in circles, but he was certain that a good, hard bargain was just what he needed to clear things up and set him straight.
“50-50’s bullshart!” grumbled Gorbag. “I’s gots to feed my fambily. You get 10%.”
“I won’t do it for less than 40%,” countered the gentleman, merrily plucking his fingers rapidly across the strings of the small harp. He seemed to be picking up steam, and really focusing on putting together a nice number. “I’ve got a family too, and a halfling besides. You have any idea how much they eat?”
“You take 20, or poor squealer over there won’t be able to get new shoes.” Gorbag was warming up to the bargaining nicely, and felt he was about to get the upper hand. This dumb stranger didn’t know who he was messin’ wit’.
“At 30%, I can’t even make ends meet at the inn. If I can’t ever feed customers, they won’t spend money with me, and you’ll never be able to get more out of me again. I’ll have to quit my job and join your crew, and then you’ll have to feed me too. You can’t afford that on only 70% of my gold.”
“Mhhhh... What ya say is true. Gorbag can’t feed you too. You drive hardest bargain Gorbag has seen. You take 35% of loot. Now, take me to it. Hurk, you pack up pretty things here.”
Hurk swelled up with fury, and immediately got in Gorbag’s face. “The ‘ell I will, you bloated gasbag! Last time you cheated me out of loot, ‘cause I wasn’t there to watch you split it. You take me wit’ ya!”
“I can’t get ta gold and pack up ur otter loots too, dammit Hurk. Yous know dat. Use ta lump o’ ass above your shoulders and fink!”
There looked to be a fight brewing. The stranger stepped between them, fingers flying over the strings of his harp now, and his brow furrowed. “Why don’t you both come, and have the little one pack up. Make him untie the halfling and force him to help. Surely he’s big enough to make one closer to his own size do the work.”
Gorbag looked at the stranger with a newfound respect. “You OK. You wood make good worker in group. You smart like me.”
“Squeeler, untie the hafling, and get busy! We be back soon.”
So the stranger and the two half-orcs stepped outside, and Squeeler carefully untied the halfling. Sammy had been awake for most of the encounter, and could not believe that these idiots followed whomever it was out of the inn. His head was sore from where he was thrown against the wall, but halflings are hardy folk.
The goblin immediately set about bossing Sammy around, telling him to pick up things and move them around so he, Squeeler, could get a good look at them and decide if they were worth keeping or not. Squeeler also wanted Sammy to undress Josie, as he thought that she’d make either an excellent wife, or fetch a bargain at a slave auction. Sammy managed to convince him that if he untied her to get her undressed, she was liable to cause trouble. Reluctantly Squeeler agreed.
After fifteen minutes or so, the stranger returned, but strangely enough without the half-orcs.
“Hey, where do dem boyz be?” squeeked the goblin. “Deys sposed to haf da gold!”
“Indeed they do, my friend,” the stranger replied. “They are down in the sewers now, sorting it for transport. They will be dropping my share off here at the inn momentarily. It seems to me, though, that it is hardly fair to make you do all the real work, while they get to count the money. You seem to have quite a nose for this business.”
The goblin would have none of it. “No funny bizness! I do my job, and I get my cut!”
“I suppose you get a 30% cut for doing your share then, and 30% for Hurk, and 40% for the leader? I hear its lonely at the top, commanding.” The strumming of the harp continued, but the stranger now had a twinkle in his eye, and a sardonic grin on his face.
“I don’t get no 30 share! I get fifteen share, same as all the other goblins, and double your stupid 30 share. You some kind of numnutz? 30 share is piss!” The goblin glared at the harper ferociously, as if daring to insult him further.
“Oh, I see now. Do they always give you the 15 share? Or do they sometimes tell you that there isn’t enough to go around?”
“Sumtimez dey do, yah. But we’re a fambily! Times be gettin’ beddur now, and now all little greenskins get a 15 share. Its a new rule, started today!”
“And how many other goblins such as yourself are there in your family, might I ask?”
“I’m the only one, ‘cuz I’m special!”
“Squeeler,” said the stranger, with a pained look on his face, and just a hint of a tear running down his cheek. “They are using you. They don’t think you’re special. They think you’re especially stupid. They are down there now splitting the gold between them. And they are going to tell you again that there isn’t enough for everyone to get a full share, and they give you another 20th, if they come back at all.”
The goblin started to look around nervously, and indeed, there was no sign of the two half-orcs. “Dey trikt me! Oh, dey stupid guys, dey trikt me agin!” He ran out of the inn, wailing, screaming that he’d find a way to make them pay.
Sammy and the stranger untied everyone and helped them to regain consiousness. The stranger introduced himself as a wandering bard named Tomas. They were all impressed with his bravery, and thanked him profusely for rescuing them. Josie gave him a peck on the cheek. They all wanted to know what he had done to the half-orcs.
Tomas recounted them following through the sewers to his “secret stash.” He led them directly to the town’s guard barracks, and directed them to a man grate. He told them that he had to go through first, and they were only to follow after he told them it was safe. Thinking that they were being tricked, and that he was going to somehow steal their gold, they pushed him out of their way and went through first without him. Tomas merely closed the grate behind them, and walked back.
That evening, Tomas shared their dinner, and regaled them with tales of lands near and far, and acts of bravery. There was singing, and Tomas played lively tunes on various instruments. Sammy convinced Josie to dance with him, and a wonderful time was had by all of the little band. Tomas decided to stay on for a few days and enjoy everyone’s company. He even paid room and board! Tomas didn’t have a lot of extra coin, but he had more than all four of them had seen in roughly six months, combined.
After all had gone to bed, Sammy went looking for Josie. He wanted to talk to her about the days events, and talk about Tomas. He heard some activity in her room, and he carefully peeked in the keyhole to make sure she was decent. He didn’t want to embarrass her. To his surprise, dismay, and great shame, she was bedding Tomas.
Sammy flew back downstairs to his little closet. He had never felt so inadequate in his life. He slept poorly, and decided he had to leave the Candlestick Inn, and say goodbye to Josie forever.
The following morning it was apparent to everyone that something was not right. Josie wouldn’t look at Sammy, and Chuck and Jenna were oblivious to what the problem might be. It was Tomas that took Sammy aside. They went for a walk, and had a long talk about women, life, and one’s place in the world.
“A woman, Sammy, is like a fine wine. A wine exists for one reason only, and that is to be consumed, to be drunk! Sure, wine collections are beautiful and very pleasing to the eye, but the wine knows what it is made for. The wine wants to be drunk, wants to please ze drinker. The wine connoisseur would be wise to respect the power of the wine, for it can make him drunk, and foolish. Properly cared for, a wine can be the most pleasing thing to a man.
“When you want to take a woman, you must treat her like a fine wine. Appreciate ze bottle ze wine comes in, pay attention to ze label, and make a fuss over her vintage. You must twirl her around, look her up and down, and take in ze scent of her. Then you must taste her! Get ze flavor of her on ze back of your tongue. Then you will know the true measure of her, and she will be pleasing to you! Never forget, Sammy, that a wine should not be too sweet, nor too cold. If ze wine is not yet ready to be drunk, it is best to forget it for a while. Care for ze wine, protect it, but worry not overmuch that it is not yet ready for drinking. In time, it will be, and when it is, it will be delicious.”
Tomas stayed on for five days, entertaining the family. At the end of the five days, he offered to take Sammy with him on his journeys. Sammy had expressed a desire to see the world that he had only read about, and Tomas was only too pleased to take him. They had many adventures together, and Tomas taught Sammy much of the world abroad, of women, and of music and laughter. Sammy wanted to see the elves, and they did head that way, but they never made it there. They had several encounters with elves along their journeys, however, and soon Sammy’s heart began to yearn to see places he knew again. He wondered how much he had changed, and how he would now measure up in Josie’s eyes. So the two began heading back to Leithan. It was near the vernal equinox, and the two decided on their way back that they would see the grand city of Greshan, and enjoy the celebration there. So it is that our little party finds themselves at an out-of-the-way country in near the Black Fenns forest, days from Greshan, days from the equinox, and full of excitement and the promise of a future adventure!
_________________ Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!
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