Avian Gamers Network

Forum
It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:41 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:56 pm 
Offline
Spammer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2002 9:01 pm
Posts: 4118
Location: Laramie, WY
Post critiques, edits, suggestions, comments, and any other feedback here.

_________________
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:42 am 
Offline
Spammer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2002 9:01 pm
Posts: 4118
Location: Laramie, WY
As you can see, there is a lot of work to be done. The whole thing is from a passive, third person voice. If I were going to try and make it into a real story, I'd have to punch it up quite a bit, spend some time writing some actual dialog and character introspection, describe characters as seen by other characters in context, etc.

There is still a lot more to come, and in the next section I did start working on dialog and more of a story flow, but it is still pretty rough. I'd like to take a creative writing class someday, and do some writing on the side. It would be mostly for myself, as I don't know that I'd ever devote enough time or effort to actually writing and trying to get published, but I do enjoy thinking and imagining and getting those ideas down in some kind of format.

_________________
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 8:54 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 20, 2002 8:01 pm
Posts: 1722
Location: Greenland, Nuuk
As you yourself pointed out... there is distinct lack of dialogue.
But your writing in 3rd person is actually pretty good. Not unlike Kevin J. Anderson and Karen Traviss's style of writing, that places a lot of info in the persons internal struggles and thoughts. (Whereas Timothy Zahn places a lot of info in the external world. The surroundings.) I like it :)

You yourself mentioned using flashbacks. Alternatively you could use a sort of interruption.
I don't know what you are gonna do with this character, but one of the few good ways of using flashbacks is the way A. C. Crispin did in Han Solo Trilogy: The Hutt Snare, where she recounted his tales (in The Han Solo Adventures by Brian Daley) as a sort of short stories.
During a period in your stories where your character is making a long travel, they could be used as reminicensing...
I am well aware that I am contradicting myself on another post earlier... But it is a way of doing it.

Coming to dialogue I can only give you a tip. I have issues over that myself.
But what I currently do is actually setting myself in the situation and then write down what I would say and what the opposite end would say given the situation. Pure dialogue, which I then adjust and insert in the story where fitting.

A small audio recorder could also be a great way of making dialogue since you are actually talking and you'd get all the the mannerism of a slightly different grammar due to, it being a spoken language instead of a written language...

_________________
1st Feb 2008
Madson wrote:
Woo hoo! another laptopper like me! Wow that sounded wierd just now...


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:24 am 
Offline
Spammer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2002 9:01 pm
Posts: 4118
Location: Laramie, WY
The next portion, when I get around to posting it, does have some dialog and a bit more of a story aspect to it, and less of a summary.

_________________
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group