Avian Gamers Network

... member from here

Did I really screw up or was this lady being over sensitive? Let me set it up. I met a girl on match.com and we emailed back and forth about 7 or 8 times. We then chatted on the phone for the first time on Tuesday and later in the week set up a first date for this Monday. The day after we set up the first date my supervisor asked me to my work's black organizational group who were celebrating a couple of birthdays including a good friend of mine. I consider this a bit of an honor for a silly cracker like myself.

I called Cindi today and said something to the effect of I know this is kind of a bad idea but this thing for work popped up at the last minute and I know it is a first date but would you like to go or could we go out on Tuesday? She said she couldn't make from work on time so I should go and we could go out on Tuesday. Then I receive this email...



I answered



Many of you have known me on here for quite a while and if you have been around when there are serious disagreements with other people you also know how hard I take being looked poorly on.

I am torn between thinking perhaps I just know nothing about women (because I very badly misjudged this one) to thinking this woman is far too sensitive for me and she should have just said what she felt in the first place. When I got off the phone with her today I really thought everything was great between us and I was looking forward to meeting her. I tried very hard in the phone conversation to not put her on the spot and to tell her I didn't mind if we didn't change the plans.

I am also now wondering if this is just the female version of "he's just not that into you" with the twist of her finding an excuse to break things off.

I am not looking to be made to feel better here... I need an honest opinion, did I really screw up that bad?

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"Chatfield, I think there's something wrong with our bloody ships." Admiral David Beatty, upon watching the battlecruiser Queen Mary explode at the battle of Jutland.

My name is Tobias Smith and I approved this post.

What? No ladies around? Ok, I open the floor to the gentlemen. (term used only in the loosest sense)

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"Chatfield, I think there's something wrong with our bloody ships." Admiral David Beatty, upon watching the battlecruiser Queen Mary explode at the battle of Jutland.

My name is Tobias Smith and I approved this post.

Man... that sucks. Changing the time of a date is not a big deal at all. If she makes it a big deal, then she has other issues she needs to work out. It sounds to me like match.com has burned her in the past and she's not willing to give anyone a fair chance anymore. But I know you'd rather here it from a woman, so...

Here's what my wife had to say about this:

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TheMole
Section 5
Section 5
Section 5
Now Playing: WoW
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She sounds high maitenance, and like a typical "daddy's princess" that will get upset at anything not going according to her plan. I don't hink there's anything wrong with changing a plan, as long as it's communicated in advance. She needs to flexible to let a relationship work.

Jackie say that I give good advice, and that I should communicate in advance in our relationship, as well.

She also says from reading the email that it doesn't seem like your fault at all. You have to realize it's match.com, so many people aren't that serious on it. It's different from meeting someone first. You have to take a lot more time, and not give up just from one or two psycho hose beasts. (I added those last three words).

After things go particularly bad I do give up for a little while but I quickly recover after sitting at home by myself for a few weeks.

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"Chatfield, I think there's something wrong with our bloody ships." Admiral David Beatty, upon watching the battlecruiser Queen Mary explode at the battle of Jutland.

My name is Tobias Smith and I approved this post.

Not a woman but,

If this was your (long term GF/Wife), would you want this type of reaction every time something came up?

It would be hard for me to imagine a woman who I'd want to be with that reacted like that every time something as minor as what you described happened.

It seems interesting that she seemed to take a worst case scenario (from her perspective) rather than a best case scenario. She may be high maintenance, lack self-confidence, or just be annoyed at the dating process hassles.

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Dr. Golga Bolg
SWTOR - Golga
Rift - Gnarlwood: Golgar Golgantua Golgate - Retired
WoW - Dalaran: Bolg Golga Virrok All Retired
SWG - Golga Bolg - Doctor (Resident) Retired
Eve - Edge Finn - Limbo
Section 2 - (Former) Director
What am I playing now?: The waiting game

To further add to the excellent comments made by my fellow male guildies, I'd point out that perhaps she was looking for an excuse to cut it short with you. The "obviously there is no chemistry here," bit seems like a dead give-a-way that she maybe wasn't feeling it, but was thinking that maybe you'd turn out OK anyway if she gave you a chance. When you gave her an excuse (lame and stupid though it may be) to allow her to back out, she took it.

She does sound high-maintenance, and not at all worth the trouble. Don't worry about it. Don't look back, don't wonder why, and and don't stress about it. It didn't work out, and its always better that this happen sooner rather than later, when you are more invested in something. I'm sure you won't feel that way, and you'll be wondering if it is something about you, but just blow it off. You spent a little bit of time emailing, but nothing really was lost. Keep your head up, your chest out, and your eyes open. But don't regret or fret this one.


Also, have you ever tried eHarmony.com?

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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!

Well here is one woman's perspective....

This chick is just a bit off if you ask me. I think it's great that you pointed out to her that you "don't judge individuals on past experiences with other individuals." I think carrying around baggage is not a good practice to get into and it seemed to me that she could use the reminder. Not to mention that I find it a little strange that she would be acting this way this early in the “dating” process with you. I would also agree with Cetera that it is to your benefit that this happened before you were emotionally, financially, and physically invested in this relationship. You stood up for yourself sufficiently and that’s always good. I would just chalk it up to “lesson learned” and move on. Not be too cliché but there are other fish in the sea and all that.

All my male advice has been noted above. High maintenance, might just be trying to turn the guilt back to you in using the generic "no chemistry" response right off the get go, princess, etc. etc.

Not worht the time to fret and try and decipher these ones. Bumping a first date, that was fairly low key I would assume, by 1 single day is not that big of deal. Overeaction.

I have also heard lavalife.com to be pretty good and not too many deadbeats/gmaplayers (note, gameplayers not gamers). A former co-worler actually met her husband thru lavalife.

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"I built me a bomb and dropped it on every MFer who got in my way!"

I just had to hear some other people say this stuff because while I didn't think I deserved the death penalty I don't have a lot of experience as of late with dating so I wanted some second opinions. I still wish I hadn't changed the plans but I thought it would be alright. I won't remember this hopefully in a few more weeks as I am due a change of luck about now.

I broke up with my last girlfriend three weeks ago and this was going to be my first date since. The week that happened I got back from vacation (at least the girlfriend gave me a ride home from the airport) and upon returning to work learned of a coworkers motorcycle accident and the death of her boyfriend. I went to the service and no one was able to stay for the whole thing or the internment so I had to go. I have visited her a few times and she is doing better (compound fracture tib/fib) and I keep a happy face on but when I leave I feel so depressed and sad for her that I feel like smashing my head in the car door. I am also trying now to determine the identity of the stranger who helped her at the accident but I am running into dead end after dead end. So I felt kind of like I needed a win here and soon, but I guess I can wait.

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"Chatfield, I think there's something wrong with our bloody ships." Admiral David Beatty, upon watching the battlecruiser Queen Mary explode at the battle of Jutland.

My name is Tobias Smith and I approved this post.

You know what you need? Some good ol fashioned Avian high-end instance running!!

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"I built me a bomb and dropped it on every MFer who got in my way!"

Just spotted this thread. Sorry I didn't see it sooner. Man Tobi, why you gotta be an ass like that, and go changing plans all of a sudden?? I mean, the girl was probably already dressed and ready to go, and sittin' by the door.

As a married guy, I have 7 years of first hand knowledge of how wacky women can be at times, but this one may take the cake. From her email response, she sounds extremely insecure. Probably best that you DIDN'T get more involved with this one. Sorry about your luck though. Better luck next time.

Oh.. and I'm also sorry to hear about your other coworkers. It sounds like you've been put through the wringer lately bud.

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"Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides." - Thomas Paine, Common Sense

Coming from yet another male this may not be what you're looking for, but I say good riddance. If she blows up over being asked to change the date, keyword here is "asked", she can't be someone you'd like to spend too much time with.

This wasn't your fault at all, forget about her, continue to be there for your coworker and know that things work out in the end

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"It's sort of a philosophical question...if a tissue fails to modify a skill that doesn't exist, and no one is around, will any devs hear you screaming?"

Yeah, forget about her.

Girls are dumbs

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Romsuiag (Brad)
Former and Third President of Avian

oooops this can turn into a wild fire..... lol

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asume nothing!
Don't take anything 4 granted!

"This throws my entire perception of reality into question!" - Bender Futurama Series 5 Ep 10: The Farnsworth Parabox

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1st Feb 2008

People used to quote Shakespeare, now it's Futurama

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"Chatfield, I think there's something wrong with our bloody ships." Admiral David Beatty, upon watching the battlecruiser Queen Mary explode at the battle of Jutland.

My name is Tobias Smith and I approved this post.

Shakespeare??? What's that!? j/k.

Anyway I'd say move on and find another woman in the D.C. area.
Instead of going through a dating-portal on the net, how about going to a bar and find someone to chat with? -Not a womans advise, but that's the best I got.

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1st Feb 2008

I would be as bad as the woman I condemn (yes I condemn you to misery Cindi from Bethesda ) if I were to judge dating services just on the experience with one member. I tried bars for years, you have to be luckier to find a great woman who is really what you are looking for in a bar than in a dating service. If you take people at face value, on a dating service you can at least find someone with some shared interests and you tend to make better decisions while not under the influence of alcohol. Really at the moment though I am looking everywhere.

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"Chatfield, I think there's something wrong with our bloody ships." Admiral David Beatty, upon watching the battlecruiser Queen Mary explode at the battle of Jutland.

My name is Tobias Smith and I approved this post.

Do you bite your thumb at me, Sir?
No, I do not bite my thumb at you, Sir. But I do bite my thumb.


You guys wanted some Shakespeare. Or how about this:

What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet?

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X2-PB

Pathfinder Kingmaker Campaign:
Gednan Malithanar - Wizard (1)
Dukin Thunderstrike - Ranger (1)

Star Citizen: - https://www.robertsspaceindustries.com/
AntanKarmola on their forums

Star Wars: The Old Republic: - Not really playing
Antare Karmola - Jedi Guardian (32)
Antan Karmola - Jedi Shadow (21)
Arianae Karmola - Gunslinger (20)

That's so romantic. Think I'm gonna cry.

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"I built me a bomb and dropped it on every MFer who got in my way!"

I hope you carry a bat and a can of Mace to keep 'em off ya.

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Liro
"The english language is not a wedding gown, it doesn't get better the more lace you add. It is instead a thong. Less is more." From /.
I need to remind myself of this regularly.

LOL!

Anyone else like their X2 well done

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Dalaran: Arindel - Frost Mage (Mining/Alchemy)
Dalaran: Roran - Paladin (Weaponsmith/Blacksmith)
Dalaran: Baine - Rogue

That is a damn good quote, though...

I also like some of the ones from Much Ado about Nothing. Or, in Taming of the Shrew when Elizabeth Taylor is getting all nasty and saying it best when she likes tongues in her tail. That Shakespear was one perverted fellow.

When are you going to get into the Game Design discussions, X2? Or is studying taking all of your time.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...